Dimitri Martin

While I was super bored this weekend I ended up watching Comedy Central for a little bit and ran across a special buy one of my favorite comics Dimitri Martin. I love his deadpan dry sense of humor. He does this silly songs, and plays which I don't think are that funny, but when he is just doing regular stand-up he is really good. Oh he also does drawings and graphs on a big sketch pad. Below are a few samples of stuff that I love of his. I wish I could take credit for thinking of this, but alas I am not that funny.

"I was in a shoe store and the guys call me boss, and I said, “Ya, can i just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.” “Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius."

"My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, “That burrito did not agree with me.” I was like, “Was the disagreement over whether or not you’d have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.” “I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know. I was like, ‘I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way.’”