Birthday Time is almost upon me

So my birthday is about two weeks away, and while most people are very excited about their birthday I am not. I LOVE getting presents, and my mom and I always spend the day together which is so nice. I do not however like getting a year older. People think I am crazy but turning 28 is just so hard for me. It all started when I turned 25. I just think every years sounds so OLD, not for anyone else, but just for me. Even just writing about becoming 28 is giving me the cold sweats and I am getting teary eyed. This just means 30 is that much closer. I know one of the reasons I don't like getting older, but it can't be the only reason. Every year that I get older the void in my life seems to get bigger and bigger. I am so happy with CJ, I love him so much, but I just want that one thing that just won't come to us easily. I know that if it came down to it, that just being the two of us in our little family would be ok, but I really don't want that to happen. So I think that is one of the main reasons that getting older is hard for me. I have said that for years that when I turn 30 that I just want to be left alone to cry in a dark room. Well now I am staring to rethink that, maybe we should try to go on a vacation then. I could have something to look forward too, that would take my mind off of being 30. In fact I think that is a fabulous idea!!